


summertime heartache

by sproutsungs



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Beach House, Beaches, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Fluff, Fourth of July, Light Angst, M/M, Memories, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Summer, Summer Romance, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25391743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sproutsungs/pseuds/sproutsungs
Summary: changbin and his two best friends, felix and jisung, are all set to spend the summer together at a beach house in montauk. everything's going perfectly (almost) in what changbin deems to be his best summer yet. the only problem? he's kind of in love with both jisung and felix, he has no idea how to tell them,andthe two of them have just started dating.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 70
Collections: Summer Boy





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! this fic is part of the summer boy fic fest for changbin. i'm fulfilling the prompts for day 1 (summer job), day 2 (beach house retreat), day 7 (summer fling), and day 9 (summer festival).
> 
> i'm really excited to share this with you all, but before we start i'd like to mention three things: firstly, this fic is set in montauk, new york (technically it's both montauk and the hamptons, but i combined them both to simplify things). secondly, this chapter takes place in late june, maybe about a week and a half before the fourth of july. and finally, the title is based on the song "summer air" by glades. tbh, when i wrote the title, the story was supposed to go in a completely different direction, but the song is still great.
> 
> anyway!! enjoy the story, this one is my first chaptered fic and a lot of other firsts so i hope you all like it ^-^

It was their 20th day at work (Jisung knew because it had been approximately 20 days since Changbin had kissed him) and Felix was getting a certain kind of dreamy look in his eye. That look when you're about to say something that could either be really stupid or really awesome, and you have absolutely nothing to lose.

Jisung eyed him for a moment, wanting to know what was going on, and then stopped, knowing Felix would probably tell him all about it later. He leaned over the counter, stretching, and waved at Seungmin, who was restocking the cookbook section.

"Get up, dummy," teased Seungmin. "Someone's gonna come in here, see you like that, and walk right out."

"I'm tired," whined Jisung, rolling his eyes playfully but getting up anyway. He'd learned early on to listen to Seungmin.

"It's three in the afternoon. You're just hungry," Felix chimed in. He was halfway through the door that separated The Spell-bound Bookstore and its candy store counterpart, Charms and Chocolate.

Jisung humphed. “Which one of us got our lunch break moved because he just had to paint his nails today and make us all late?”

Felix pouted, trying to look innocent but ending up just looking silly. Seungmin walked over to him. “Felix Lee,” he said, poking Felix’s freckled cheek with each syllable for emphasis.

“Shut up! They look prettier than your nails ever will!” exclaimed Felix, laughing and holding out his hand. Jisung burst into laughter too, and a moment later so did Seungmin. Peals of laughter filled the room and ricocheted off the bookshelves for a few seconds until the door between the two stores opened and Changbin popped his head out.

The three boys stopped to look at him in unison, still fighting their laughter, and then all of a sudden Changbin smirked, smiled, and laughed, and it started all over again.

Jisung had a philosophy that someone’s laugh said a lot about them as a person. He thought Changbin had a forceful, happy laugh, the loud and infectious kind that made you want to laugh along with him no matter how unfunny the joke was. That was pretty characteristic of Changbin. He was bold. Jisung liked that about him.

As the laughter faded, Changbin made eye contact with Jisung and winked almost imperceptibly. Jisung wanted so badly to wink back, but he turned away. Things were complicated with Changbin right now. He didn’t want to make them even worse.

“Changbin, what do you think of my nails?” Felix asked. Changbin took his hand to look at his sky blue nails close-up, and Jisung couldn’t help but notice the slight blush that crept onto Felix’s cheeks.

Felix would always get flustered at the little things, but when it came to his own actions he was brave. He'd kiss his friends on the cheek with no hesitation, but when Changbin came within a foot of him he started blushing like a little kid with a crush.

Changbin pretended to ponder the question, finally answering with “I think they’re pretty enough to be late for.”

“If only _someone_ agreed with you,” said Felix.

As if he’d been summoned, a familiar face poked his head through the door. It was their boss (though he didn’t act like it), Chan.

“Hey, Chan!” exclaimed Seungmin. Chan waved at him.

“Changbin, I was wondering why you were here,” he said. He didn't mean it, of course, seeing that he himself had been on the other side of the wall, visiting the candy shop's head employee (and his boyfriend) Minho.

Changbin looked at Chan sheepishly. “We were… uh…”

“Discussing business!” Seungmin cut in.

“Yeah, yeah,” answered Chan, shaking his head in mock disapproval. “That’s definitely why I heard laughter coming from over here. These walls aren’t soundproof, you know.”

“It’s not our fault no one wants to buy books right now,” Jisung interjected. “I mean, they’re all eating lunch.” He shot a glance at Felix, smirking.

Chan sighed. “Okay, fine. We have some sandwiches in the backroom, come take a break with us. But if a customer comes in,” —he pointed at Felix— “you’re on cashier duty.”

“My pleasure,” Felix responded. 

Chan turned around, walking back through the door he came from, and the others followed him into Charms and Chocolate. The inside was bright, with cotton candy tiled floors and walls painted to look like the sky. There were huge display cases in the back and side of the store, filled with a dozen ice cream tubs and an assortment of chocolate truffles. The side where the door was held floor-to-ceiling self-serve cases of candy, from rainbow-colored sour gummies to miniature boxes of caramel chocolates.

Jisung liked it in here almost as much as he did The Spell-bound Bookstore. It smelled sweet, like fresh milk and sugar, and hanging out here always cheered him up.

(Plus, though he’d never admit it, he loved the aroma even more when he hugged Changbin.)

"Hey, guys!" Minho had his apron on, not looking up from the bowl of chocolate he was pouring into molds. He was met with a chorus of "hi"s from the bookstore staff as Changbin walked behind the counter to hang his own apron up. Hyunjin and Jeongin, who were refilling some of the self-serve cases, nodded to greet Jisung, Felix, and Seungmin as Chan went into the back room.

"You guys got any plans for tonight?" asked Hyunjin, scooping Rolos into a case.

"I don't. I don't know about these two, though," replied Seungmin, tilting his head towards Jisung and Felix beside him.

"Well…" said Jisung, "I did have three dates scheduled for tonight. But I guess my imaginary boyfriends will have to wait."

"I'm definitely not busy either," laughed Felix.

"We were planning to go out to dinner, want to come with? It's Friday, after all," proposed Jeongin.

"Wait a minute, who said we were going to dinner?" Changbin crossed the room.

"Maybe if Felix didn't make you late to work, you'd have heard us making plans," Hyunjin said matter-of-factly.

Jeongin nudged Hyunjin. "He's kidding. We were only talking about it when Changbin was in the bookstore."

Changbin scoffed jokingly and began to argue with them, and Jisung felt himself tuning out. He looked around the store, noticing that Chan had returned from the back room. He was holding a big container of sandwiches and leaning against the counter next to Minho. They were talking—flirting, probably, those dorks were in love—and Minho leaned in for a kiss.

Jisung turned his attention to Felix next. His eyes were focused on Changbin (of course they were) and his pale pink hair looked almost angelic in the sunlight. He’d always been this effortlessly attractive, even back in freshman year when they’d first met. Felix had been the shy new kid that Jisung had had to coax a conversation out of, but they had still clicked because Jisung was patient and it turned out that it didn’t take a lot for Felix to come out of his shell.

Sometimes Jisung didn’t know what to think about Changbin and Felix. Things were complicated between the three of them—he knew something was going on under the friendship they were all settled comfortably into, but no one wanted to push it. They’d been going on like this for weeks, all the quiet flirting and blushing and feelings no one wanted to admit. It was easy to ignore, really. Jisung would just pretend nothing was happening. A moment would pass and so would the emotions it held. Even now, Felix had turned towards Jisung, noticing his gaze, and Jisung had looked away.

But the line between friends and more than that was especially thin when there was no way to know if you were overstepping. Felix liked to hold Jisung’s hands, dragging Jisung along with him wherever he went, and Jisung could never tell if it was a best friend thing or not.

He was doing it right now, holding Changbin’s hand too, bringing them to the back of the shop where they were about to eat lunch. So Jisung left his thoughts for later, when they weren’t clouded with that rosy feeling he always got when Felix interlaced his fingers with Jisung’s own.

“So, Changbin,” started Minho, beginning a new conversation, “Are you ever going to do a tattoo for me?”

Changbin laughed, sandwich in hand. “Nah, not yet. It’s just a dream right now, I’ve barely even begun practicing.”

Changbin had always had a penchant for art, Jisung remembered. Even when they were kids drawing in the sand, at the beach just a few miles away, Changbin’s would always feel like a masterpiece.

“Besides,” he continued. “Do you even know what you would want a tattoo of?”

“I know!” Chan piped up. “He wants a giant tattoo, on his chest… of my face.”

Minho shook his head. “You wish.”

“I feel like Minho would just get the names of his cats or something,” added Hyunjin.

“Who are you to say that, Mr. ‘I Love Kkami More Than My Friends'?” asked Seungmin.

“You’re lucky you’re eating, dumbass. I’d definitely push you if you weren’t.”

The conversation continued like this for a while, until they were all done with their food and someone realized that it was already 4:30. The shops were ready to close.

Chan brought Felix, Jisung, and Seungmin back through the door and into the bookshop, and as the door closed slowly, Jisung watched the others start washing bowls and packaging the fresh batch of truffles. Chan headed to the cash register, meaning the three employees needed to start reshelving books that had been moved and restocking whatever had been bought. It was short work, mostly because people liked to spend their Fridays at the beach rather than in a bookstore.

Jisung noticed that the look hadn’t left Felix’s eyes. He nudged him with the copy of _Murder on the Orient Express_ that he was holding, and in response Felix bumped shoulders with him as he was putting the book away. It was subtle, but it was something. 

Ten minutes later, they'd been given permission to leave—Jisung held the bookshop's creaky door open for Felix and watched the tiny bells tied at the top jingle for a moment. Then they were free to do whatever they liked. It was a fair day out, blue sky paired with fluffy clouds and the hot cement path under their feet. The street was littered with pristine clothing shops that Jisung could only dream of buying from, homey ice cream stores—and the more pricey ones—and people, from old couples sitting on benches with their dog to families lathered in sunscreen and wearing the latest brand of sunglasses.

Montauk was a beautiful place, really. Go there at the right time of year and you’re transported into a beach paradise, a rich little shopping town with everything pristine and modern. The restaurants were always packed with people spilling out into the little tables on the street, showcasing their wealth subtly with their Ray-Bans and Rolexes and barely-touched bottles of champagne. The stores, of course, were always empty: no one would want to spend such a beautiful summer day perusing Vineyard Vines they could buy a hundred times over. Yet the streets were filled from morning to evening with anyone looking to have the glamorous summer vacation they could afford (or one they wished they could afford).

Deep down he loved it there, all the memories made and the memories yet to come. But everything happening with Felix and Changbin was one mysterious part of his summer that he had yet to fully uncover.

Right now, Felix was walking a little too close to Jisung, and he had the uncomfortable feeling that something was definitely up. He was wondering what Felix was going to say (though maybe he already knew) and hoping he would be able to continue his summer without thinking about Felix or Changbin as anything other than his friends… but at the same time he really doubted that was going to happen. So he decided to get whatever this was over with as soon as possible.

"Felix," Jisung deadpanned, slowing his walk.

"Yeah?" replied Felix, drawing it out a little as if he didn't know what was coming next.

"You seem a little out of it today? Not that you're ever in it, but…" Jisung joked, trailing off.

Felix stopped and bit his lip. Then he grabbed Jisung by the hand and took off, weaving through crowds until the two found themselves in a not-so-secluded alleyway. Jisung just smiled. Typical of Felix to do something like that.

"So what's going on? I could tell this whole day that something was on your mind," said Jisung.

"Just hear me out," replied Felix. "You and I both know that we aren't just best friends, right?"

Oh, boy. Here it was.

"Well… yeah." Jisung was honestly surprised that Felix had said it so openly. With the amount of skirting around the issue that the three of them had been doing, Jisung had thought they'd go the whole summer without talking about it.

"Okay, so..." said Felix, with a glint in his eye. "What if we… you and me… dated?”

Jisung almost laughed. He’d expected a delicate conversation, maybe a crush confession, but never something like _this_.

Felix must have noticed the look on Jisung’s face. He continued hastily: “I mean, not dated-dated, but just- something. No label required. Because I don't know if Changbin is ever going to bring this up. And to be honest, I didn't think you ever would either, which is why I'm proposing it now."

Jisung looked at Felix blankly. "Wait a minute. Why me and not him?"

Felix simply said: "Sometimes it's hard to tell if he even knows that we like him. At least you return all my affection. And besides," he smiled softly. "You're my best friend."

Felix had always been the type to say things like that. Little truths that people would take for granted but could be used to persuade them in an instant when used properly. He’d remember every detail about Jisung, wrap them up with a bow and deliver them as a present. And Jisung would have no choice but to melt, because how could he not love Felix when Felix loved him?

Slowly, Jisung nodded, a silent admission to what Felix was asking. He didn't know how they were going to approach the Changbin situation, or even how Changbin would react to this, but he wasn't paying attention to that. They were going to make this work, and Changbin being a part of the equation was inevitable but ignorable.

After all, it was summer. What better time to make decisions on a whim?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s one song i mentioned in this chapter: “animal” by neon trees. take a listen (and feel yourself get transported back to the 2010s).
> 
> also!! this chapter is a _flashback_. it takes place in early june, about 20 days before the first chapter. have fun reading!

Changbin was halfway sunken into the gray couch, phone blaring music and eyes just about to close, when he heard a car pull into the driveway. He groaned. It was his first year in this beach house without his parents; he’d shown up there a day early to set things up and get some rest before the others arrived. At least he’d gotten the first part done (with some help from his mother on the phone).

Changbin had driven up to Montauk early this morning, suitcases and grocery bags in hand. He stood at the house's door, looking up at its vast wooden front and then out at the ocean it faced. It brought him back to his youth and all the years spent running around in the warm sand with his siblings and friends. 

It reminded him, too, of Jisung. He remembered when he and Jisung spent every minute of the summer together, just two carefree kids trying to have as much fun as they possibly could. He remembered sand castles built too close to the water, ice cream drips on sticky fingers, dulled seashells and smooth rocks. What he didn’t remember was the goodbyes. Maybe there never were any in the first place. After all, Jisung had reappeared in his daily life three years ago, waving hello in an Intro to Production lecture like they hadn’t been drifting apart for all those years. For Jisung, thought Changbin, maybe they hadn’t. But the only Jisung that Changbin had ever known was his summer self. Sure, they’d kept in touch, but a text saying “hi” and a five-minute conversation could never have come close to all the other memories they’d made.

Visits from Jisung had stopped abruptly, one year after Changbin’s grandmother had died and his family hadn’t come to Montauk at the same time as Jisung’s. It was his second year of middle school; he’d been so excited to see his summer friend again, but they didn’t cross paths until two weeks into Changbin’s vacation. He remembered it clear as day: he’d been about to cross the street when he spotted a familiar face on the other side—it was Jisung, only he had a boy on his arm. This boy had shaggy blond hair and freckles, and Changbin soon learned his name was Felix. He was cute and bubbly and made Changbin feel bad that he was so jealous (but then he would remember that Felix was the one that occupied all of Jisung’s attention on the rare occasion Jisung actually cared enough to schedule a hangout, and he wouldn’t feel so bad after all).

Changbin grew out of these middle school feelings after a while, but even as he went through high school he recognized that he and Jisung were naturally drifting. It was impossible for him to compete with Jisung’s best friend, someone that spent practically every moment with him. Changbin only knew the summer boy that Jisung had once been.

Luckily, college changed everything. By mere coincidence, Changbin ended up at the same university as Jisung and Felix, and they shared more than a few classes. They’d been through three years so far, becoming basically inseparable (and adding three more to their crew—Hyunjin, Changbin’s friend from back home; Seungmin, the photographer Hyunjin had met at an internship; and Jeongin, the singer that had bumped into Seungmin at a party). They had all hung out a lot during their first couple of college summers, but they’d decided to take it to the next level this year and camp out in Changbin’s beach house while earning some extra money with Felix’s family friend, Chan.

Changbin knew they’d be noisy (and he also knew that he wanted some time alone, because figuring out what to do about having feelings for both of your best friends isn’t too easy to do), so he’d tried to arrive before everyone else. He should have known that Jisung would want some time alone too. He got up slowly, hearing the doorbell’s delicate chime echo in his mind, and trudged to the door. On the other side, of course, waited a smiling Jisung. 

God, Jisung’s smile was addictive. It was the sort of smile to cheer you up, the sort that made joy emanate from Jisung’s whole body. It made Changbin want to pull him close, melt into his arms, and stop thinking about anything else.

“Hey,” said Jisung quietly, breaking the silence. “I guess I’m early?”

“I guess you are.” Changbin gestured for him to come inside. He was carrying two suitcases, both red (his favorite color) with wheels.

The main entrance split into two hallways on either side of a huge white wall—behind it was an open kitchen and living room, and a door leading to the backyard and pool. Ironically, the wall held a painting of the beach with hundreds of tiny people swimming or playing. Sometimes Changbin liked to stare at it and try to piece together the stories and lives of every little blob of skin-colored paint. It was captivating. Wordlessly, he and Jisung stood there for a moment, just looking at it. Then Changbin pointed to the right hallway: “You’re going to share a room with Felix. Come on, I’ll walk you to it.”

Save for Jisung’s suitcases on the tiled floor, they walked in silence, making a right turn down the hallway and then another turn into the sunny bedroom on their left. It was usually Changbin’s parents’ room, with a king bed in the middle, teal blue walls, and plenty of windows filtering light into the room. Changbin could tell that Jisung remembered it (and loved it) because of the warm, slightly bittersweet look in his eyes.

“It’s perfect, Changbin.” Jisung pushed the handles of his suitcases down, fingers brushing against Changbin’s as he stood up again.

Changbin smiled. “Remember when we used to play hide-and-seek in here?” He looked towards the huge walk-in closet; it was empty now, but the memory pulsating through his mind showed a little boy crouching beneath shirts and jackets, holding his breath lest Jisung find him and win the game.

“How could I forget?” There was a hint of emotion in Jisung’s voice, just barely hidden.

“Hanging out with you was always the best part of summers here,” Changbin continued. He eyed Jisung for a moment, then looked away. “I miss that. When we were too young to even be thinking about anything but having fun.”

“I miss it too,” replied Jisung. The air was clouded with memories, regret, everything else in between. “And-” he stopped.

Changbin focused on a spot on the floor. Carpet. Fluffy, white carpet. That was all he could think about. He didn’t want Jisung to bring up the past any more than he’d wanted him to arrive ten minutes ago.

“I’m sorry,” Jisung whispered, barely audible.

“What do you have to be sorry for? We were just kids. You can’t expect a kid to keep a friendship forever.”

“I keep thinking about how much closer we could be if I hadn’t met Felix. Not- not that I wish I hadn’t met Felix. I love Felix. I just…” he trailed off.

Changbin sighed and looked up at Jisung. He put his hand on Jisung’s shoulder, rubbing a gentle circle into it with his thumb. “It’s okay. You can’t change the past. What matters now is that we found each other again, and this time we aren’t kids.”

Jisung bit his lip. “When did you stop resenting me?”

“Oh, Jisung.” Changbin stepped around the suitcases and brought the other boy into his arms. He’d let go of his own sadness, so why was Jisung still holding onto it? “I never resented you. I was upset, sure, but I could never stay mad at you. I stopped being upset a long time ago, because I realized it wasn’t worth it. You were—you are—my friend. And you never ignored me. You still hung out with me, still talked to me, even if it wasn’t as much as it used to be. So I don’t want you to regret anything. We’re best friends now; we’re back here in this same damn house making amends for whatever happened when we were kids.”

Changbin couldn’t see the expression on Jisung’s face, but he was wrapped in Changbin’s arms, warm and soft and vulnerable, and Changbin knew Jisung wanted to accept everything he was saying.

“Look at me,” said Changbin, pulling away suddenly and clasping Jisung’s hands in his. “You better believe that this summer is going to be the best summer we’ve ever had together. We’re gonna make up for everything we missed in high school. Okay?”

A small smile spread on Jisung’s lips. “Okay.”

They spent the rest of the evening together, playing stupid party games on the porch and running all around the house while they waited for their takeout to arrive. Just like they were kids again. Changbin was grateful for the way they’d eased back into things, as if nothing had gotten between them in the first place. From the way Jisung was smiling with genuine joy in his eyes, Changbin knew the other boy was grateful too.

Changbin loved those eyes. Jisung was always so expressive with the way he looked at people; you could tell in a millisecond what emotion he was feeling by simple eye contact. It was like Jisung had little galaxies in his eyes and looking into them meant traveling thousands of lightyears in a heartbeat. Changbin savored those moments and thought about them whenever he missed Jisung. 

He’d been doing it the whole afternoon, sharing glances with Jisung like it was second nature. They were looking at each other from across the dinner table now, and the beach view behind Jisung made Changbin think he looked even more ethereal.

“So,” said Jisung, breaking the silence. “When’d you get into producing? I feel like you’ve always been an art kid, you know?”

“I _have_ always been an art kid,” Changbin responded. “Still am. Still want to be a tattoo artist. Just on the side. Producing started being part of my dream once I realized that music’s been just as big a part of my life as art.”

Changbin loved to talk about his passions. Art and music were so, so important to him and he didn’t know if he could go even a day without sharing them with the people who cared about him. After all, everyone he surrounded himself with loved them too. No matter their major, no matter how much or how little they talked about art and music, those things were a part of their life too.

“You must have had a moment, though. Everyone’s got a moment when they realize what the hell they want to be doing with their life.”

“Honestly? I think it might have been when I was with you.” Changbin looked down at his plate and then back at Jisung, tilting his head. “When we were ten, sitting on the beach.” He nodded towards the beginnings of a sunset behind Jisung.

They’d been kids then, tired after a long day of swimming in the cool ocean and feeling the soft sand under their feet. They were laying down on a beach towel together, sharing a pair of black earbuds and an iPod nano between the two of them. “Animal” by Neon Trees was playing as they stared up into the slowly darkening sky, waves crashing softly in front of them.

“ _Here we go again / I kinda wanna be more than friends / So take it easy on me / I'm afraid you're never satisfied…_ ” The incessant drum was addictive, candy to Changbin’s ears, and he tapped his fingers to the beat. Jisung’s mouth was open in a faint smile as he started tapping his feet on an imaginary ground. Dancing in their own silly way to the melodic, catchy guitar chords and the singer’s energy-filled voice, they listened together until the end of the song. “ _What are you waitin' for? / Say goodbye to my heart tonight…_ ” 

Jisung sat up suddenly, and Changbin followed, looking at him curiously. “What?”

“Nothing,” replied Jisung. A beat later: “I like music.”

“Me too,” Changbin followed, a strange feeling rising within his heart. Confidence, maybe, or adventure. “A lot. I wanna make a song like that one day, don’t you?”

Jisung half-smiled, satisfaction written on his face. “Heck yeah. Music is awesome. We should make music when we grow up.”

Something clicked in Changbin’s brain. He blinked and nodded, wide-eyed and grinning. “We can make music together! Deal?” He stuck out his pinky finger, the ultimate seal of a promise, and Jisung linked it with his own.

It had been the simplest of exchanges, and yet Changbin still remembered every detail, even ten years later. “You remember now?” he prompted Jisung.

Jisung smiled that same half-smile. “Of course.”

“But we still haven’t made music together,” pouted Changbin.

“We can do it right now. Just point me towards the nearest recording studio,” joked Jisung, eyebrow raised. The two laughed for a moment, giggles filling up the empty house.

“But really,” said Changbin, “When we get back, do you promise we can make a song? I’ve got a work-in-progress on my laptop, maybe we can make it into something over the summer and finish it up when we’re at school again.”

“Sounds good to me.” Jisung stuck out his pinky. Changbin looked into his eyes for an instant—they were shining, reflecting all the little moments of their childhood—and hooked his own around it.

“Me too.”

Hours later, the moment was replaying in Changbin’s head as he lay in bed. He didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Jisung was so good to him. He saw the best in everyone he knew and Changbin was no exception to that. It was why Changbin had started loving him in the first place. Yet still, in the back of his mind, Felix persisted. All the anticipation for his arrival to the beach house, all the memories containing his beautiful face, all the affection Changbin felt for him. He couldn’t stop thinking about Felix.

And at the same time, he couldn’t stop thinking about Jisung either. Changbin knew he had to do something, but he didn't know what. So he lay there, looking out into a beach covered in darkness. Lit only by the moon’s reflection, the waves were black. The sand shone every time a wave broke over it like stars twinkling in the night sky. It was calming. Distracting enough for Changbin to close his eyes and slowly start to drift off to sleep.

He was awoken by a knock on his door, reminiscent of the doorbell that had disturbed his sleep this afternoon.

"Hi…" It was Jisung, looking a little upset in an oversized t-shirt and sleep shorts. A beam of moonlight shot out from the window, highlighting his reddish-brown hair for a moment.

Changbin rolled over to face him and then sat up. "What's going on?"

"Mm… I'm just lonely. I wasn't expecting to be here alone with you, and I'm used to sleeping in the same room as someone else."

Changbin only half-believed him. Jisung was a notorious cuddler, as he knew from many sleepovers (both in this very beach house and in Changbin's dorm after the occasional late night study session). "C'mere," he said. Jisung settled himself into the bed without a second thought.

"Remember our old sleepovers?" he murmured.

"Yeah. I remember you used to come in here with your little _Cars_ sleeping bag and then halfway through the night you'd just give up and come sleep here with me."

"Hey, you'd have done the same if you were me. The bed was always so much softer than my sleeping bag."

"I never minded."

"Of course you didn't. You liked it."

"It's not every day that I get to cuddle with the Jisung Han."

Jisung didn't respond for a moment. Then, "Want to?" he whispered.

Changbin nodded, staring at the ceiling, and Jisung moved closer and closer to him. He could feel the warmth of Jisung's body as the younger boy lay on Changbin, arms wrapping around him. Changbin put his own arm around Jisung, reaching out to slowly stroke his hair. The motion became rhythmic, as did the feeling of Jisung's chest rising and falling against Changbin's.

They lay there for a while, both on the verge of falling asleep. The only sound that could be heard was the faint crashing of the waves and Jisung's quiet breathing, warm on Changbin's chest. In and out, in and out. Everything felt a little fuzzy around the edges, really. Changbin was content. He was happy. And he wanted nothing more in the world than to call Jisung _his_. Because moments like this blurred the lines between platonic and romantic, had since they were kids, and Changbin always felt like Jisung was somewhere in the middle. Changbin had never been anything except in love.

Yet something was always missing, and that something was Felix. But when Felix was there, something was missing too, because Jisung wasn't there. It was a cycle, and Changbin was never happy until he had both. And that, of course, was when the lines became even more blurred than before.

"Hey," said Jisung softly, breaking Changbin out of his train of thought. He nudged his foot under Changbin's until Changbin's leg was comfortably resting on top of his. "Look outside."

"Fireflies," Changbin whispered back.

"They're pretty. Just like you." 

The smallest of lightning bolts struck Changbin's heart, and he smiled. "You too."

They watched together as the fireflies blinked in the dark sky. Dozens of soft, green, glowing circles appeared and disappeared within moments. It was calming, almost lulling, and Changbin could feel himself falling asleep as he rubbed little circles into Jisung's back. Jisung's hand was draped across him, his delicate fingers playing with Changbin's own. Softly. Quietly. Nothing could have made the blooming feeling in Changbin's chest more apparent. 

They were so close together that Changbin felt every movement, every breath Jisung took. To him, this was paradise. Forget about sunny beaches and childhood memories, just having Jisung next to him was enough for a whole lifetime of happiness.

Slowly, carefully, Changbin let go of Jisung's hand and brought his thumb underneath Jisung's chin so that they were looking at each other. Jisung was wide-eyed. Changbin couldn't read the emotion on his face even as they were an inch away from each other, firecrackers in between them threatening to go off if they moved even a millimeter closer together.

"Can I…"

Jisung answered him with a kiss. It was soft and sweet, just enough to make Changbin want more. He leaned in slightly, hand on Jisung's neck, and that was when it hit him. The firecrackers, all of them going off at once, twenty thousand sparks between them. Pure magic if it could be described with a kiss.

They broke apart, just barely, and Changbin was breathless as his nose touched Jisung's. He looked into Jisung's eyes, with their moonlight reflection, and pressed his lips to Jisung's again. Just for an instant this time. And as Changbin felt Jisung lay his head back on his chest, he wondered if it had ever really happened in the first place.

Jisung's hummingbird-quick heartbeat against his own told him that it absolutely had.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is taking us back to the present (late june); it takes place one the same day as chapter one. and since there's discussion of college majors, here are the characters' majors: felix- songwriting; changbin and jisung- music production; jeongin- double major in music theory and education; seungmin- photography; hyunjin- interior design.
> 
> if you're still around by now, you must be enjoying the story, so thanks for sticking with it :D

Felix flirted so often with Changbin that he thought it was a wonder Changbin hadn’t proposed to him yet. The same cycle had been repeating itself for three years: Felix would drop obvious hints that he liked Changbin, practically spell it out that he was in love, but Changbin would be oblivious. At one point, Felix got so fed up with Changbin that he completely gave up and found someone else to crush on. Of course, Changbin had done the same, but they always came back to each other. The same way you can’t keep two magnets apart.

Felix didn’t know why neither of them ever really acted on their feelings. Changbin had to have known how enamored Felix was with him since the very beginning. Because Felix had always been open with Changbin. They shared everything, from secrets to advice to food. Even though Felix was rarely outgoing with people he didn’t know well, the two of them had been inseparable from their first meeting in college. True, they’d known each other as kids, but college had changed something between them. There was no more silent resentment from Changbin, no more fear of overstepping from Felix, no more guilty ignorance of the situation from Jisung.

Changbin had always been something different to Felix. He made Felix feel like himself. And that wasn’t such an easy thing to do.

“Are we late?” asked Jisung as he and Felix stepped into the restaurant. They were greeted with four blank stares and a chorus of “absolutely”s.

Felix looked at Jisung, cracking a smile. “Hey, at least you can’t blame me this time.” Jisung just shook his head, amused.

The two sat down with their friends and began to take in the restaurant. Its wooden floors were illuminated by the sunset light filtering in from huge glass windows. They faced the calm sea, slow waves crashing and seagulls circling in the background. They were sitting in a circle, with Jisung on Felix’s right and Changbin on his left. Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin were on what could be called the other side of the table. 

They were all animatedly engaged in a conversation, but Felix couldn’t concentrate. He was staring at the slowly brightening moon, thinking about how he was supposed to tell Changbin that he and Jisung were dating. Well, not dating. Just… something. He was thinking about how Changbin would take the news. The whole point of this was so Changbin would realize they could all be in a relationship. Felix was taking away his choice to show him that he didn’t have to make one. But he was afraid Changbin would only think of it as the first part (hence the whole “not really dating” thing).

Which is why he and Jisung had agreed to keep the relationship open… at least for Changbin. It would work out, Felix knew it. Because Changbin and Felix always came back to each other. They always gravitated toward each other; even now as Felix sat there at the dinner table, his shoulder brushed Changbin’s. Touch had been a constant for both of them for as long as they’d been friends.

“Hey, Felix,” said Changbin suddenly, turning to face him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “What do you think?”

“Uh…” Felix had been completely tuned out.

“Paying about as much attention to us as you do in our chemistry lectures, I see,” interjected Jisung.

“Sorry.” Felix felt a blush creeping onto his face to match his hair.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” reassured Jeongin. “We were just debating which of our majors are better. Personally, I think music theory is superior, but Changbin seems to disagree.” He shot a pointed look across the table, dimples flashing as he smirked.

“Jeongin, you have a double major, how are you possibly going to argue which is better?” Felix laughed. Jeongin crossed his arms, pretending to pout. 

“It’s no secret which one he likes more,” said Hyunjin, coming to his defense.

Jeongin scoffed. “I love _being_ a teacher, not _studying_ to be a teacher. Meanwhile in my music theory classes I actually get to play piano. You’d like it more too if you were in my situation.”

“In all honesty, it’s probably better to have a double major,” Seungmin added. “You never get bored.”

“Hey, why are you on _his_ side?” Jisung voiced indignantly. “Five minutes ago you were saying how much you loved photography and how it was better than any of the rest of our majors.”

Seungmin made a face. “Whaaaat? That wasn’t me. Definitely not.”

“Oh, so you admit that music production is better?” Changbin fired back.

“Wait- hey- no-” Seungmin sputtered.

Felix grinned. “Yeah, I’m not helping you out of this one.”

The conversation continued like that for a few minutes, the same playful banter they eased into as if they’d never been apart, until the waitress came to take their orders and they fought smiles as they told her what they wanted. They broke off into little exchanges after that: Jisung and Jeongin raving over the latest Sam Smith release, Hyunjin showing Seungmin pictures of his dog, and… Changbin and Felix.

“Hey,” said Felix, unsure of himself. There was tension in the air, as if they hadn’t been best friends for years and were just meeting for the first time. He didn’t know what to say.

Changbin broke the silence: “You look good tonight.” As blunt as the statement was, his voice was soft as he turned to Felix and smiled slightly.

Felix could feel himself blushing faintly. _Jeez, did he really like Changbin_ that _much? Four words… he’d probably broken some world record for blushing._ “Really?” His outfit wasn’t special, just a white denim jacket with a blue t-shirt underneath, silver necklace, and black jeans. “So do you,” he replied after a moment.

Changbin wasn’t wearing anything too fancy either (unbuttoned dark Hawaiian tee over a black tank top, black jeans with chains), but Felix saw his eyes twinkle slightly at the compliment.

“Have you really been coming here every summer?” asked Felix.

“Since I was born, I guess. I don’t think I’ve spent a single Fourth of July back in New York.”

“So… you’ve spent all your Fourth of Julys with us.” Felix’s hand rested on the table.

Changbin thought about it for a moment. “You have a point. But this one’ll be the first with just you two.” He shot a glance at the three across from them. “Just my friends,” he corrected.

“Nah. You spend all your holidays with us.” Felix smirked. Their little group had a tradition—since they were on break for all the major holidays, they would have a huge party in the middle of the year (combining Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and whatever else they could think of). They called it Every Day, and it lasted two days: they invited everyone they could think of for the first, but for the second it was just them.

This year's highlight had probably been their friends Mark and Sunwoo getting drunk and hijacking the DJ table to freestyle rap (admittedly better than half the guests could do sober). Felix remembered the wave of euphoria that that party had brought him. He'd taken care of the guests all night, walking around their apartment to mingle with friends and strangers alike, and eventually settled on the couch next to a familiar face as the bass boomed all around him.

"Happy Every Day," said Changbin, his voice a mix of exhaustion and humor. "Tired yet?"

"God, yeah," replied Felix, leaning his head back to look at the ceiling. It was dark, the only light coming from the kitchen and the hastily-strung-up Christmas lights bordering the windows.

"Our third year doing this and it doesn't get any less draining," remarked Changbin, mostly to himself.

"It's worth it." Felix took a sip of the beer in his right hand. There was a couple sitting on the other side of the couch, passionately making out, and Changbin looked over for a moment as if he was napping and they'd woken him up rudely.

He turned to Felix suddenly. Felix was eyeing the DJ, hypnotized by the speakers shaking to the music. There were loud conversations happening in every corner of the room, but Felix could hear Changbin loud as day as he asked, "Wanna get out of here?" 

Felix barely had time to nod before Changbin was grabbing his unoccupied hand and pulling him up, out of the apartment and up the stairs to the cold, cold roof and the night sky. It was mid-February and both of them were in t-shirts; Felix could see each breath he took. The cold puffs of air were framed by the clear night, a navy sky just barely dotted with stars.

The roof was quiet. Felix could hear snippets of songs fading in and out from the windows below, but the only sound as the two sat near the edge was their quiet breathing and the clink of the glass bottle as Felix set his beer down.

"Better now?"

"Yeah."

Felix noticed that Changbin hadn't let go of his hand. He had Felix's hand clasped in his own, stroking his thumb gently and tapping little heartbeats on his skin. He was drawing on the back of Felix's hand, turning portraits and patterns and pen strokes into soft touches.

Felix didn't mind one bit. He just sat there, warm as ever and a little dreamy (maybe it was the alcohol). He looked out at the Boston skyline, tiny lamps in faraway windows glowing like fireflies in the night. It was all hazy to him. He was still riding on the high of the party.

"Binnie," he said suddenly. "Can you stay here with me forever?" He didn't really know why he was asking, only that it seemed to be the right question.

Changbin took a moment to answer. "No," he responded cautiously. "It's too cold out here. I'll stay with you, though. Somewhere else. Everywhere else."

"I like that idea," Felix murmured, satisfied. He picked up the beer bottle again, downing the rest, and soon noticed that Changbin had stopped playing with his hand. He moved closer to the other boy.

"'M cold," Changbin whined, snuggling up in the spot between Felix's neck and shoulder. Felix put his arm around Changbin, wordlessly pulling him closer.

They watched the moon for a while. Slowly, they saw it move inches across the sky, its big round face staring right back at them. Felix yawned at the sight. It was late, really late.

"I don't want to go back yet," Changbin protested as he felt whatever slight movement Felix had made.

"Okay, okay. We won't."

Changbin made a noise of contentment, sitting up slowly. He looked at Felix, tilting his head slightly to the left and then to the right as if contemplating something.

Felix turned towards Changbin and pouted almost imperceptibly. "What?" he said quietly.

"This." Changbin leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Felix's cheek. And another. Another, another, another, slowly moving closer to his lips until they were properly kissing, with Changbin's hand in Felix's hair and his thumb on his cheek and Felix whispering something sweet to him in between kisses.

There was beer and cheap vodka on both their breaths, and as they pulled apart they were shivering from the cold, but neither of them really cared.

"I love you, Changbin," stated Felix, but there was no heart to it. After all, he'd said it a thousand times before.

Changbin simply replied "I know," and a quieter "I love you too, Felix."

"I know," said Felix back, with something bittersweet in his eyes. "Let's go inside now, okay?"

Felix finished poring over the memory just as Changbin finished listing whatever holidays hadn't been included in Every Day that year (International Pancake Day was one example) and the waitress finished setting down all six of their plates.

There was a chorus of "Thank you"s, an instant of silence, and then immediately the clanking of forks and knives and plates was heard and no one spoke a word. Felix had ordered fettuccine alfredo; he twirled the pasta around his fork, still thinking about Changbin. Changbin was a mystery to Felix sometimes. He wondered whether it was solvable or whether he'd be stuck in this damn cycle forever. All he wanted was to know where the two of them stood beyond all the moments and memories that had passed between them.

And of course—he looked to his right—there was still Jisung. His best friend, his sort-of-boyfriend, the boy that had stuck with him through years of friendship. Felix was happy (wasn't he?) that they were calling themselves a couple, but he wanted more than just Jisung. Not that he wasn't satisfied with _just Jisung_ , because Jisung was his everything, but because he wanted _just Changbin_ too. There was a delicate balance going on in their friendship, and all Felix wanted was to completely destroy it, rip it up and tear it apart and confront the three of them, make them figure out once and for all what the hell they were doing.

He was hoping that this whole relationship thing would be the catalyst, and he knew Jisung understood. When he'd approached Jisung, there was an unspoken air around the proposition, an underlying motive. Felix knew that Jisung was smart. He'd known exactly what he was getting into. Which was why Felix decided to break the silence and announce to the whole table: "Oh, by the way, Jisung and I are dating. We're pretty far from being exclusive, but we just wanted to let you guys know."

He took a peek at Jisung first and he was relieved to see him nod after a moment, backing Felix up. Then he looked at Changbin. He was almost afraid to face him, as if he didn't know exactly how Changbin would respond. Yet the only emotions written on Changbin's face were confusion and something else, something unreadable. Felix cocked his head and raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, as if to ask Changbin if he had something to say. But Changbin just turned back to his plate.

"Well, we all saw that coming," remarked Seungmin bluntly.

"Honestly, the first time I met you two I thought you were already dating," Hyunjin laughed.

Jisung chuckled. "Wasn't I already dating someone back then? In freshman year?"

"Oh, yeah, Jisoo," Jeongin added. "I still talk to them sometimes. They give pretty great fashion advice."

“At least the breakup was on good terms,” said Felix. “I’m looking at you, Anne.”

“Not _her_ …” Jisung grimaced. Anne was an ex of Felix's—the two had had a huge fight that left both of them upset for days. Even now, they'd avoid each other on campus like the plague.

As the others started a conversation about exes (both good and bad), Felix looked over at Changbin, who'd been silent the whole time.

"You good?" He asked quietly. Changbin nodded, not looking up from his almost empty plate.

"You're not good, are you?" Felix whispered after a moment. Changbin was still silent, so Felix nudged Jisung and told him that the three of them should go outside for some fresh air.

As soon as Felix opened the door, the din of the restaurant disappeared. All he could hear was the quiet lapping of the waves and the call of seagulls in the distance. Changbin stood across from him underneath the rapidly setting sun, leaning on the railing of the deck. His silver hair looked almost gray in the dim light. Jisung was right next to Felix, as if it were the two of them against Changbin.

"It's an open relationship, if that helps," said Jisung lightly.

Changbin shook his head. "Where do I fit into the equation? I thought…" he trailed off.

Felix gave him a look. "What did you think? Did you think we were just going to sit around and wait until you made up your mind?"

"None of us are ignorant to the feelings we all have. It's time we stop pretending," added Jisung.

"I didn't think you two would start _dating_." Changbin had daggers in his eyes.

"I'm not in a relationship with you. And neither is Jisung. We can do what we like." Felix crossed his arms.

Changbin scoffed. "Sure, you can do whatever the hell you want. But making this into some sort of game instead of just having a rational conversation with me is immature."

" _I'm_ being immature? Changbin, come on. I've tried confessing to you over and over and over and it's all bullshit because you're wilfully ignoring my hints."

Jisung nodded in agreement. "Bin, I think it's pretty obvious that the three of us like each other."

"It's just as much your fault as it is mine. Why didn't you guys ever say anything? Why didn't you ever ask me out?" Changbin was tapping his fingers restlessly on the railing now. It was a losing battle.

Felix rolled his eyes. "How would Jisung feel if I asked you out without him being involved? And how do you think I'd feel if he asked you out and excluded me?"

"Then why the hell are you two dating without me?"

"We aren't dating, not really," insisted Jisung. "We're only doing this because of you."

"God, how many times do we have to spell it out for you that _both of us like you_?" Felix sighed. "Look, Bin, I'm gonna cut to the chase. You need to figure out what you want. I know that deep down, you know that you don't need to make a choice. But first you've got to convince yourself of that, because I can't stand this anymore. I want you and I want Jisung, but if you're never going to figure this out with us then I'm still going to have him. Okay?"

Changbin looked a bit stunned, and Felix couldn't help feeling bad as he opened the door again. He didn't often like to lay things out like that, and he didn't want to have to involve Jisung, but it was the only way they could have communicated with Changbin. Felix just hoped he'd gotten through to him.

When they returned, the others had already gotten the check and paid. Felix could see Hyunjin looking between the two of them, confused but understanding at the same time.

"Hey, who wants ice cream?" asked Changbin as they reached the table. His voice wasn't filled with as much energy as before, but only Felix noticed; the others all perked up like excited children, already getting ready to go.

Soon they were outside again in the warm nighttime air. Hyunjin stuck behind with Felix, Jisung, and Changbin, probably wanting to hear what had happened.

"So… what was that all about?" he asked. Felix was about to respond, make some excuse, _something_ , but Changbin spoke first.

"Felix just… hmm…" Changbin mused. "He told me what I needed to hear."

Hyunjin looked surprised. "Oh?"

"I'll just say that I'm glad they're keeping their relationship open for now, that's all." Changbin laughed, though there was no humor in it.

Hyunjin nodded, walking back to the others. He'd heard what he wanted to. "I hope you guys figure it out."

The remaining trio were silent for a minute, the only sounds around them being the quiet chirp of cicadas and the white noise of the occasional restaurant they passed. Felix looked down at the ground, the gray concrete sidewalk under his feet and the two pairs of shoes on his either side.

He put his arm around Changbin suddenly, pulling him closer, and he could feel Changbin tensing up at the movement and then relaxing into him in one swift motion. As if he was letting his guard down for Felix. Felix took it as a sign that it would be alright to whisper an apology to Changbin, a simple, quiet "I'm sorry". The shorter boy just smiled and dipped his head in response (but Felix felt Changbin put his own arm around him a moment later).

"Nice out, isn't it?" said Jisung, trying to start up a conversation. 

"It's a little humid." Felix took his hand, swinging their arms back and forth together.

"Take it or leave it," replied Changbin.

_That's what we told you, didn't we?_ , Felix thought. _Take it or leave it._

_Take us or leave us. That's the only choice you need to make._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song mentioned in this chapter is "posthumous forgiveness" by tame impala. i listened to a lot of tame impala while writing this chapter, so if you're looking for music to put on, i'll recommend them.
> 
> also, this one takes place a couple days after chapter three (a new week has begun). we're almost at the end of the fic!! keep going :)

Changbin had been doing a lot of thinking lately. Maybe it was because his little argument with Felix and Jisung had been sort of a wake-up call, maybe it was because Changbin had finally realized that he didn’t want to be stuck in the cycle anymore either. But it was slowly starting to dawn on him that the only thing he had to lose would be Jisung and Felix, and that was the last thing in the world he wanted to happen.

“Binnie!” yelled Jisung’s familiar voice, barging in through Changbin’s half-closed door and waking him from the partial sleep that came after one had just woken up. “Wake up! We gotta get to work, man.”

Felix had walked in after him, dancing around the room and opening the blinds, letting the strong sunlight hit Changbin’s pillow. “How are you still asleep? We’ve been up for, like, an hour already.”

Changbin shook his head, turning over so he was lying on his back. “You two have too much energy for me,” he said groggily.

"Nah, you just don't have enough energy for _us_ ," laughed Jisung.

Changbin eased himself into a sitting position, stretching and yawning. The warm sun was hitting his right side.

"What time is it?" he asked, speech slurred slightly with sleep.

"7:30," answered Felix. "The others are probably already in the kitchen or showering."

Since they were supposed to arrive at work before 9:30, Changbin got up immediately, made the bed hastily, and got ready to take a shower.

By 8, all six of the boys were settled into the kitchen. Light was filtering in through the glass doors, and the sound of the faraway waves was masked by the hissing of the stove as Felix and Seungmin cooked pancakes. The air smelled like fruit and pancake batter.

"You guys got any plans for today?" said Jisung. He was leaning over Changbin's chair, playing with his damp, silver hair.

"I think we got a big order for chocolate covered pretzels that I'm supposed to help Minho with," answered Jeongin thoughtfully.

Hyunjin poked his shoulder. "Silly, he doesn't mean work plans. He means actual plans. You know, for people who have social lives."

"You act like _I'm_ more of a nerd than you, but which one of us plays PUBG in his spare time and which one reads 1950s sci-fi?" Jeongin retorted.

"Touché," humphed Hyunjin, crossing his arms. "Anyway, no, I don't have real plans 'til Saturday."

"Oh, yeah, the Fourth of July parade, right?" chimed in Seungmin from the other side of the kitchen.

Every Fourth of July, Montauk was overtaken by a huge festival and parade that lasted the whole day and ended in a spectacular display of fireworks. It was often the highlight of Changbin's vacation, and he was especially looking forward to sharing it with his friends this year.

"I'm so excited," gushed Felix as he brought the first plate of pancakes to the table, handing it to Jisung.

"Me too," said Changbin. "It'll probably be the most fun we're going to have out here all summer."

Jisung hit his shoulder lightly. "We went boating last weekend, that wasn't fun enough for you?"

Seungmin and Felix finally brought their own plates to the table, joining the conversation as voices mingled with the noise of utensils on plates and the sweet smell of maple syrup. Changbin dug into his own pancakes, cutting them effortlessly and realizing just how fluffy they were as he put a bite in his mouth. _God_ , Felix (and Seungmin) was a great cook.

He complimented Felix on the pancakes, watching his face light up with a grin and noticing how the sunshine from outside hit his face _just so_ and highlighted his freckles. He felt Jisung's hand threading through his hair and how his soft, absent-minded touch made Changbin feel safe. He wanted to live in that moment forever. None of the stress of college and work and life, just him and the two beautiful boys he loved and would never stop loving.

Soon the three of them were off to work, piled into Changbin's car. He was driving, of course, backing out of the driveway carefully and following Hyunjin's peach convertible down the road. Changbin had his phone connected to the car's Bluetooth, playing “Posthumous Forgiveness” by Tame Impala, and all was well as flashes of synth and bass emanated from the car speakers, Felix cuddling up next to Jisung in the red BMW's back seat. Little by little, beaches were fading to storefronts and the ocean was fading to concrete.

He looked out at the town and its unbroken strips of store after store after store. The sun was shining high in the sky, lighting up everything in its path. Changbin was thinking about how wonderful this scene would be to draw: the sharp angles of the shops mixing with the hazy lines of the sky, the few people roaming the streets far before the afternoon rush hit. Simple things like this and the feelings they evoked were a huge part of what made Changbin love Montauk.

He was pulling up to Charms and Chocolate now, watching Hyunjin appear from the inside and wave to him, flipping the sign on the door to say “Open for Business”. He turned to tell Jisung and Felix to get out of the car but found them sleeping peacefully, heads on each other's shoulders. He couldn't help but smile. They just looked so… angelic.

"Hey," he murmured. He reached out to Jisung, slowly rubbing his shoulder. "Wake up, cutie. It's time for work." Jisung opened his eyes, blinking, and Felix followed.

"Who doesn't have enough energy now, huh?" Changbin joked. Jisung just stuck his tongue out.

\-----------------------------------------------

About half an hour later, they were all settled into their work, waiting for customers to arrive. Restlessly, Changbin tapped his fingers from behind the counter as he watched Minho and Jeongin make chocolate in the work area by the door.

"Hey, Bin." Hyunjin nodded at him from the candy cases, popping a Swedish Fish into his mouth.

Changbin sighed. "Hey." He snagged a napkin from the countertop, pulling a pen out of his apron pocket to begin absentmindedly doodling. It always worked to calm him down.

“So, about last week…” Hyunjin began, crossing the room to look at him from the other side of the glass. Impulsively, Changbin avoided his gaze, but he could feel Hyunjin’s expressive eyes imploring him to talk. “Come on, tell me what’s going on.”

Changbin looked up abruptly. “Isn’t it obvious? They like each other, I like them.”

“And they like you,” Hyunjin finished. Changbin nodded. “Well then, what’s stopping you from asking them out?”

“God, I don’t know. When they took me outside at the restaurant—you remember, right?—they basically told me that they started a fling because they were tired of waiting for me and they wanted me to figure out my own feelings before I got involved with them. So, yeah, I know I like them and I know they like me. But now I feel a little guilty.”

“They’ll forgive you. They’re both head over heels for you.”

“Really?”

“Have you _seen_ the way Felix looks at you? And don’t even get me started on Jisung constantly touching you.” Hyunjin shook his head.

“Alright, alright,” laughed Changbin. “But how am I supposed to approach them? I want to be able to tell them I’m sorry and I love them and I want to date them all in the same confession.”

Minho and Jeongin backtracked as they were walking past. “What’s this I hear about a confession?” asked Minho, smirking.

“Changbin’s going to ask Jisung and Felix out at the Fourth of July festival,” answered Jeongin bluntly. Hyunjin and Changbin whirled around to stare at him.

“How the hell- _I_ didn’t even think of that yet,” said Changbin in wonder.

“You’re welcome.” Jeongin flashed his brightest smile.

“You guys have liked each other for years, I’m surprised you’re not already dating,” noted Minho.

“Things take time.” Hyunjin shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, you and Chan tiptoed around each other for a solid two summers before dating. You flirted, what, every five seconds before he decided to man up and ask you to be his boyfriend.”

Minho blushed. “Get back to work,” he said, an embarrassed smile on his face.

Hyunjin joined Changbin behind the counter as the other two headed to the back room. Changbin was busy staring at what he had drawn on the napkin: three all-too-familiar silhouettes sitting underneath a shower of fireworks.

“You know what they say,” Hyunjin remarked, putting his arm around Changbin haphazardly.

“What?”

“You can always trust an artist’s hand.”

“Oh really?” Changbin smirked and grabbed another napkin, sketching a stick figure with devil horns and a mustache. He wrote “Hyunjin” underneath.

Hyunjin hit him playfully with his free hand. “Give me that!” Changbin just crumpled the napkin up and threw it at Hyunjin’s forehead, grinning and cackling like a maniac.

\-----------------------------------------------

As the hours went by and customers filtered in and out, Changbin felt his mind wandering. He cut thick slabs of fudge, packed truffles into paper boxes, and weighed bags upon bags of candy; yet still he kept coming back to Felix and Jisung. He was thinking about what Jeongin had said. The Fourth of July had always been special to the three of them… maybe he could find a time to summarize all his feelings then. After all, he’d be around Felix and Jisung all day. He decided that there was no better time to do it than then.

Suddenly the door to The Spell-bound Bookstore opened, shaking Changbin out of his thoughts. He looked up in time to catch a glimpse of Jisung pressing a kiss to Felix’s cheek and felt a momentary pang of bittersweetness. He reminded himself that it would all be solved soon.

“Minho!” Chan (who’d been the one to open the door) exclaimed excitedly. Minho was meticulously placing truffles inside the display case, cocoa powder on his apron and hands. He looked up as Chan jogged over to him, straightening up just in time for the older to pull him into a hug.

“You’re going to get cocoa powder on your shirt,” Minho reprimanded gently.

“Who cares? I missed you,” Chan replied gleefully.

“First of all, the customers will care if they see you covered in powder when you don’t even work over here. And second of all, you’ve been maybe 70 feet away from me for four hours.”

“But I haven’t _seen_ you. And the powder doesn’t matter, I’m not working the cash register anyway.”

Minho just shook his head and kissed Chan, smiling.

Changbin watched them curiously. He was beating himself up internally for wishing he could have something like that because he _could have_. If only he hadn’t complicated things so much. If only he hadn’t waited so damn long. Now Jisung and Felix had each other and Changbin was stuck here wondering if they’d take him back (but did he ever really have them in the first place?) He reassured himself that it would be fine. Once Saturday came along, he wouldn’t have to worry anymore. _Right?_

Changbin sighed, looking up at the clock to see that there was ten minutes before his lunch break began. The bell on the door shook as it opened, making a familiar twinkling noise, and in walked a young couple. They were gravitating towards the self-serve cases: Jeongin’s area of expertise.

“How can I help you?” he asked. The couple immediately began talking about a specific brand of candy they were looking for, and Changbin tuned them out, slicing up some fudge for the samples container. He didn’t notice Hyunjin coming up to him until the other boy nudged his shoulder.

“You should draw them,” Hyunjin said quietly.

“Hm?”

“You know. Jisung and Felix. You’re an artist, aren’t you? Draw them and give it to them as an apology gift.”

“That’s a pretty good idea, actually.”

“All of my ideas are good.” Hyunjin smirked.

“Oh, really?” Changbin raised an eyebrow. He was, of course, referencing Hyunjin’s questionable decision-making skills—the same ones that had resulted in him bringing his dog from back home to their dorms for a year because he missed it, investing a ton of money into a painting hobby before realizing that the only thing he was good at drawing was architectural diagrams, signing up for many a campus bake sale and baking far past the maximum amount of brownies… Changbin could go on. Hyunjin was one of the most disorganized people Changbin knew, but he was also one of the most caring.

“If you want me to buy you lunch again, then yes, really,” Hyunjin responded pointedly.

Changbin laughed. “Alright, alright. Thanks for the advice. And thanks in advance for the lunch. I’ll buy you something afterwards if you want.”

Hyunjin squeezed his shoulder. “Anything for my roommate.”

A couple minutes later, Changbin was hanging his apron up as Chan went through the door to the bookstore and came back with Jisung, Felix, and Seungmin in tow. There was a jumbled chorus of “Hi”s and “Let’s go”s, and then they were out the door, Minho lingering behind for a moment to flip the sign over until it read “We’ll be back soon!”

They began walking down the street in pairs (so they wouldn’t take up the whole sidewalk and more), and Changbin found himself next to Jeongin and behind Jisung and Felix. Of course. Everything was coinciding so that he would be privy to all their little displays of affection and feel even worse about how far away Saturday seemed to be.

“You good?” asked Jeongin after a few minutes of silence.

“Just thinking.” Changbin tilted his head almost imperceptibly to the couple in front of them.

“Ah.” Jeongin nodded in understanding. “You know, I keep thinking about how you’re the third wheel.”

“Well-” Changbin was about to protest when Jeongin continued.

“It’s like those two are two wheels on a tricycle, but the tricycle’s a little wonky because you’re supposed to be there too. And since you’re not, the thing’s about to fall over. Like… like it’s okay without you but it’s not as perfect as it would be if you were there.”

“Huh,” Changbin nodded. “That… actually makes sense. And it somehow makes me feel a bit better.”

Jeongin grinned. “Well, making up weird analogies is my job. Also, I’m pretty sure half of being a teacher is explaining things so kids fifteen years younger than you can understand them.”

“Are you saying I’m fifteen years younger than you?”

“I’m not saying you _don’t_ have the maturity of a six year old.”

“Like you’re any better.”

The conversation dissolved into banter and giggles, and soon enough they’d arrived at the café and Changbin had forgotten all about his earlier regrets. He sat between Hyunjin and Seungmin at the counter, sipping his soda as he listened to them talk about what they were ordering. He himself had settled on a wrap. Mindlessly, he scrolled on his phone mindlessly while waiting for the food, looking at new Instagram posts from his favorite tattoo artists.

Seungmin tapped his shoulder. “What’s so interesting on there that’s better than talking to us?”

“You two are boring. Art isn’t,” Changbin deadpanned.

Hyunjin scoffed with mock indignance. “The only boring one here is you, not talking to us for the whole 20 minutes we’ve been here.”

“Sorry,” said Changbin, putting his phone down. “What were you two talking about anyway?”

“Sandwiches.”

“And animals,” added Seungmin. “Hyunjin misses Kkami.”

“You two don’t have pets,” Hyunjin pouted half-jokingly. “You don’t know what it’s like to miss your best friend.”

“Actually, I do have a pet,” Changbin said, patting Seungmin’s head. “His name is Seungmin Kim. He’s really fluffy.” Seungmin couldn’t keep himself from giggling as Changbin ruffled his hair.

“He’s cute… can I pet him?” asked Hyunjin, stifling a laugh. He reached over to Seungmin, pinching his cheek gently.

Unfortunately, this was occurring at the same time the waiter delivered their meals. He looked at them with the expression that one uses to look at a small child’s nonsensical drawing—something both weird and intriguing—before walking away, shaking his head.

The trio looked at each other for a split second and then burst out laughing.

Their time at the café ended about half an hour later, after Seungmin had snatched a box of crayons and a kids menu from behind the counter to draw exaggerated caricatures of everyone there and after Hyunjin had laid his debit card on the bill and made a comment to Chan about being Changbin’s sugar daddy.

It seemed to Changbin that the day had gone by far faster when he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself. He tried to have fun until work ended, playing Hangman with the others on the whiteboard in the back of the shop where they sometimes hosted birthday parties. He drew Kkami on a Post-it note; Hyunjin stuck it to his forehead when there were no customers. He ate more than enough fudge samples and begrudgingly paid Minho afterwards.

Every now and then he’d catch a glimpse of Jisung and Felix when the door opened. He’d be reminded for a moment of what he was missing out on, and then the feeling would go away and he’d be back in his little bubble of chocolate dreams and sugar-coated friendships.

It wasn't like they were spending less time together on purpose. The three of them were still interacting—if the occasional friendly touches or them driving to work together counted as interaction. It was simply Changbin being a little distanced from Jisung and Felix, that was all. The two of them were doing their happy couple thing and Changbin was taking time to figure out his feelings. There was no malice involved.

Yet as the six of them returned home from work, ate dinner, and piled onto the couch for a movie night, Changbin found himself feeling a little empty. He was sitting with Hyunjin on his left and Seungmin and Jeongin on his right, with Felix half sitting in Jisung's lap in the big chair to the left of the room. The movie was a murder mystery, something modern with a nice soundtrack. Changbin's shoulder was pressed to Hyunjin's, and he kept stealing glances at the couple in the chair. _God, why couldn't he stop thinking about them?_ He tried to interest himself in the movie or even watch Seungmin and Jeongin as they talked quietly, attempting to figure out the killer on their own accord.

It was no use. All Changbin could think about was how badly he wanted to make things right again.

When the movie was over, he retreated back to his room and tried the thing that always distracted him: drawing. He started to draw a nameless boy, letting his pencils glide over the paper like a figure skater gliding in an ice rink. He let his searching hands form charcoal eyes and a twinkling grin and disheveled, wavy hair. He let himself get lost in the drawing, in its mesmerizing realism and the way it was starting to look like someone familiar to him and yet so unknown.

Hours later, the drawing was done. The cold, ignorant waves crashed onto the beach as if they were trying to come closer to Changbin and comfort him. He didn't hear them. It was past midnight now and he was staring at the mysterious boy he'd just drawn, the boy that seemed to resemble both Jisung and Felix and everyone Changbin had ever loved. 

The drawing stared back, unblinking and unforgiving. Saturday couldn't arrive fast enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the songs i mentioned in this are called "cool with you" by her's, which is great for the first half of the chapter, and "money" by pink floyd, which is fine for the middle, but if you'd like something for the end i'd recommend "my jinji" by sunset rollercoaster.
> 
> in other news, this is it! the last chapter. you're in for a little bit of a ride. good luck!

Changbin knew something was different today when he woke up unprompted before his alarm went off. It was early, _really_ early, and he didn't know how he wasn't tired given that he'd fallen asleep after midnight. The house was silent, of course. Not even Seungmin was up this early. The sun hadn't even risen yet; only a few tendrils of its warm fire had reached their fingers over the horizon.

Changbin did the only thing he could think to do: he went outside. Untouched by the sun's warmth, the sand was soft and cool under his feet. He felt it move underneath him as if it were clearing a path for him to walk upon.

He'd had the foresight to bring a towel with him, and he laid it down as close as he could to the rising waves without getting it wet. The water touched the tips of his toes anyway, tickling him with its icy hands. Yet he stayed still.

The sun was slowly and steadily rising now. It made for a beautiful sight, light reflecting off of the water and turning it from a deep gray to a sapphire blue. The sand began to glitter as well, the little fragments of seashells and beach glass within it sparkling from the sun’s light. Changbin felt a little inspired by the picturesque sight: he took out his phone and snapped a picture of the sunrise.

As he was doing that, two familiar silhouettes appeared in the sand next to him—it was Jisung and Felix coming up from behind.

“Someone’s up early,” said Felix softly, sitting on Changbin’s right and sneaking an arm around his midsection. Jisung was sprawled out on Changbin’s left, hands behind him in the sand and feet tapping the air.

“Couldn’t sleep, I guess.” Changbin was still staring at the sunset. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at either of them.

“Happy Fourth of July, anyway,” Jisung added after a beat. “Excited for the festival?”

“I’ve missed it, honestly,” Changbin responded. “No parents, no one else, just us three hanging out in Montauk. You know?”

Felix nodded. “I miss this too.” Changbin knew he was talking about more than their childhood. The tension of this past week had taken a toll on all three of them.

“At least it’s happening today. We can’t miss something that’s happening in just a few hours, right?” Changbin smiled. Felix wasn’t the only one with double meanings to his words.

Jisung responded by shifting closer to Changbin, leaning on his shoulder. He shuffled through his phone to put on some music and fill the silence: “Cool with You” by Her’s.

There were a million things Changbin wanted to say as he sat there listening to the music mixing with the waves. But there was a certain fragility about sitting there, one he didn’t want to disturb. He had his two favorite people in the world right next to him, heard their quiet breathing as he scratched three sets of initials into the sand over and over again with a stick. It was more of a paradise than all the beaches in Montauk.

They had to get up eventually, when the sun became too hot and too bright and their phones lit up with notifications from the others, but the feeling stayed with Changbin. That quiet morning ambience would stay tucked in the back of his mind until the next sunrise.

\-----------------------------------------------

A couple hours later, he found himself staring out of the backseat window in Hyunjin’s car, with Jeongin in front and Hyunjin himself in the back too. The six of them always switched cars like this, what with half of them not having a car in the first place and the group being so close that they were almost always driving to the same destination. There were two sets of keys in each dorm too, though whoever was using a car usually drove with someone else.

Either way, Hyunjin’s car and Changbin’s own car held a lot of memories—memories of early morning drives back to the dorm after parties, the yearly road trips back home for holidays, midnight runs to off-campus convenience stores because the ones at the university charged $7 for a bag of chips. 

Even sitting here now, Changbin was having flashbacks to drives around campus with Jisung and Felix just to get away from all the stress. Whoever was in the back (usually him) got control of the aux cord, blasting Soccer Mommy or Dayglow or whatever other indie artist of the week. The three of them would sing along with the windows cracked—even in winter the cold was exhilarating—and forget for a moment what it meant to be a college student.

God, just thinking about moments like that made his heart beat a little faster. He was such an idiot for never doing anything about these damn feelings. It was like he was holding a match a millimeter away from a pile of firewood: a flame yearning to become a fire, just barely out of reach.

Changbin shook his head. It would be okay. He had his sketchbook with him in the backseat, he’d been up late thinking about what the hell he was going to say to Jisung and Felix, he was prepared. Reminding himself of that reassured him, at the very least. _These were his best friends, right?_ It was stupid to worry about their reactions to something they’d known would happen for a long time.

“Come on!” Changbin heard a muted voice from outside the car window followed by several successive knocks. It was Jisung; the other three had arrived a few minutes earlier and Hyunjin’s car had just now stopped in a parking space.

Changbin grinned. He was going to have the best afternoon he’d had all summer, he thought as he opened the car door and winked at Jisung. Felix was right behind the other boy, his pink hair almost transparent in the sunlight.

“So,” Felix said, a bit of a bounce in his step. “What should we do first?”

\-----------------------------------------------

By the end of the day, the three of them were positively _exhausted_ , dragging their feet on the concrete with every step they took towards the pier where the fireworks were happening.

They'd started their day off at around 2, grabbing lunch and moving into a group meetup near the library. There was a mini farmers' market and book sale, so all eight of them (Minho and Chan showed up too) began perusing the items there as a sort of starting point to their festival experience.

Changbin walked around to every stall with Jisung and Felix in tow, looking excitedly at all the products offered. The grass was lush underneath his sneakers and the bright tents and signs surrounding him were so enticing that he couldn't help wanting to buy as much as possible. First he purchased matching bracelets for the three of them, simple black braided things with a little silver clasp. He bought food too, beautiful French pastries and fresh watermelon popsicles perfect for the summer weather. There were a million other things Changbin wanted to buy, but he settled for window shopping, if it could be called that. Felix's little nudges for bites of pastry were reminder enough that he should save his money for the rest of the day.

They left the market soon after encounters with a few dogs: a woman walking her Golden Retriever, a family bringing their Maltese to the festival, a German Shepherd lying next to a table in one of the stalls. Of course, Jisung and Felix were insistent on petting every dog they came across, and Changbin didn't mind giving some love to a furry friend every once in a while.

"You guys leaving too?" Changbin spotted Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin at the edge of the book sale after he'd thanked the last dog owner.

Jeongin nodded. "Yeah, we're going to the water next. Minho and Chan went walking down Main Street."

The festival was happening all over town. The farmers' market had taken over the huge courtyard in the middle of the town, and a long way down near the pier were some benches to look out at the water. On either side of the courtyard was the expanse of Main Street, where a good portion of stores were open with volunteers giving out free samples and promoting their businesses.

Later, at around 7, there was a scheduled parade: the plan was to meet up and eat dinner at 6 so that they could come back to the courtyard to watch the parade as it went by.

The three of them (well, mostly Jisung) decided that they'd be making their way down Main Street to the water. "We have to start from the beginning," he'd said, and the other two didn't mind following along with that.

They started their journey off at a retro gift shop that sold anything from comic books in mint condition to glass pitchers with neon handles. Changbin looked around tentatively; it was as if this place was inspiring nostalgia from a time he hadn't ever lived through. Yet in a sense, he had. He was here, after all, touching the old action figures and flipbooks and refrigerator magnets, the wooden floor creaking under his feet and the broken air conditioner erratically blasting cold air into his face. It was reminiscent of summers past and summers future.

He reminded himself to come back here sometime soon.

"Hey, check this out!" said Felix. The store was small enough that he didn't need to do anything except say the words; Changbin and Jisung could walk over in a heartbeat. In front of Felix was a real old-fashioned record player with a record inside: it was tan and wooden and the vinyl disc within it was still.

The store employee, who seemingly had nothing better to do, came over to them. "You folks like what you see?" he asked heartily, as if he was welcoming them to the shop.

Jisung nodded. "We don't get to see one of these every day."

"It's a Crosley, from the mid-1970s. Are you thinkin' of buying one?"

"No, we were just looking." Felix shook his head.

"Alright, I'll just show you how it works." The man flipped a switch on the side and lifted up the little arm inside the box, lowering it down onto the record. "This thing here is called a tonearm. You've got to place it onto the record just right so it starts the song in the right place."

Sure enough, a song began to emanate from the box.

"This one's called 'Money' by Pink Floyd," the man explained. The song started out softly, then added in a steady series of guitar notes and a raspy voice singing with the reverb of a live performance. A saxophone solo took the voice’s place and mixed with the guitar, creating an irresistible rock sound. For a moment Changbin lost himself in the music, feeling as if he’d time traveled all the way back to the 70s and its glamorous rock-and-roll ambience.

Then the song ended and he was back in the 21st century, but he made a note to himself that he’d invest in a record player once he got the money. He made a note to save the song to his playlist as well. And as he walked out the door with the others, he squeezed Jisung’s hand; he knew they’d both enjoyed the song, they had practically the same taste in music.

The three of them spent the next couple of hours ducking in and out of stores and talking to local business owners. They did quite a lot of business card exchanging, as working for a small business—even if it was only for the summer—meant they had to support other shops as well. 

They visited an ice cream shop (no, Changbin did _not_ get ice cream on his nose and Felix most _certainly_ did not kiss it off), a furniture store (the three chairs they sat in probably added up to over $100k), and a tourist shop (Changbin already had a billion and one cheap items with the Montauk logo, but he bought a new bumper sticker just for the hell of it). They went to a bakery too (which meant frosting kisses for Jisung and Felix), and a toy store (Changbin would be lying if he said he didn’t buy a little dragon figurine for “good luck”). It was nice having a day to themselves. This was supposed to be vacation, after all.

The sun had just left its peak in the sky, but it was still humid out and even walking down the street was tiring. It felt as if the hazy heat was following Changbin, pushing him down the sidewalk into the restaurant where they would meet the other five. Luckily, they did arrive a few minutes later. The cold air conditioning enveloped Changbin and he breathed it in, satisfied.

\-----------------------------------------------

In a few minutes, the parade was scheduled to start; Changbin could feel Jisung tapping his feet next to him. The eight of them had walked back to the courtyard in search of some grass to sit on—they’d brought light lawn chairs for this and the fireworks display, and Changbin, of course, had taken his sketchbook out of the car. A reminder of what was to come.

The lawn was abuzz with groups of families and friends waiting excitedly for the parade. There was a real spirit of community that came from events like these: a bunch of strangers coming together in the same place for a yearly celebration. It felt like home to Changbin, in the sense that he’d sat here in this same spot every year. Nothing had ever really changed, but every year it felt a little more special.

This year, he had Felix and Jisung right next to him, and he was reassured. Of what, he didn’t exactly know. But he knew that with them by his side, nothing bad could happen to him.

“Hey, I think it’s starting!” shouted Jeongin from a few feet away. Indeed it was: bright fire trucks began driving slowly down the street, honking their horns and throwing candy to all the people gathered on the grass and sidewalks. They were followed by a huge marching band (from the local high school, perhaps) playing a march, brass blaring and flutes whistling and percussion banging all in rhythm. There were cheerleaders standing on a simple float and cheering, all dressed in red, white, and blue.

Changbin just sat back and absorbed it all. He nudged Felix’s knee with his, making Felix look up and smile. He smiled back: a secret little message saying everything he couldn’t say in words. He did the same to Jisung, linking their pinky fingers together, telling Jisung he was glad to be back here in Montauk. Like all three of them were kids again. It wasn’t untrue; after all, they were still growing up, still had some learning to do.

The parade didn’t take too much time—the real highlight of the night was the fireworks. As soon as the last float passed, the eight of them packed up their chairs and headed down to the grass at the pier. The sun was about to set.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Jisung noted.

Changbin laughed, remembering their conversation from a month ago. How had it been that long already? So much had changed in such a short amount of time. “You’re pretty,” he responded half-jokingly.

“It looks just the same as it did when we were kids, remember? Our first time at the parade, all three of us.” Felix sat down, the other two following. His freckles were dark against the sun’s orange-pink light.

Changbin did remember. He’d been hesitant to welcome Felix back then, and Jisung had never been too good of a mediator, but that night was the first night he’d genuinely let his guard down.

They had been in seventh grade, maybe, Felix’s second year in Montauk. The sun was setting just as it was tonight, the stars becoming clearer by the minute as the darkening sunlight faded to black. Changbin remembered the three of them sitting close together on a blanket, waiting for the fireworks to begin. Felix had been in the middle, hugging his knees with Jisung leaning on him. He had looked up curiously at Changbin, who was still standing, as if to invite him to sit down. Felix was never averse to physical affection; it was always Changbin who tensed up when Felix tried to touch him.

But that night, Changbin had looked back to Felix and stopped for a moment. He’d wondered why exactly he was being so cold to the other boy and he couldn’t come up with an answer. So he sat down, pulling his knees up, and leaned on Felix. And then he smiled, and Felix just looked at him for a moment, and he wondered if he was doing something wrong until he saw Felix grin back.

He remembered Jisung looking over at them, about to speak because finally, _finally_ his two friends were getting along, but he stayed silent. He simply reached out so that his hand was resting on Changbin’s shoulder and his arm was wrapped around Felix. Almost like he was connecting the three of them.

Changbin felt connected to Jisung and Felix now, as they watched the sun slowly disappear into the night and talked about their childhoods. He felt… like the moment was right. So as soon as the conversation died down, he turned his chair around to face his two friends.

They both looked at him curiously, but he pulled his sketchbook from beneath his chair with such intent that they quieted down. He took a page from it, ripping it cleanly in three pieces and ignoring the quiet gasps that came from Jisung and Felix.

Changbin handed the pieces to both of them and watched their faces light up almost simultaneously. Softly, he smiled to himself, looking down at the third piece that he was still holding. It was a self-portrait; he’d drawn pictures of the three of them. They were intricate, as realistic as he could make them with the pens he usually used, and he liked to think that he was able to show Jisung and Felix what they looked like to him. He’d highlighted Jisung’s expressive eyes and full cheeks and the way he laughed like no one was listening. For Felix, he’d emphasized his joyful smile and defined jawline and the freckles that looked like they belonged up there among the stars.

They were both looking up at him now. “Thank you, Changbin,” Felix said, genuine gratitude in his eyes. “This is beautiful.”

“It must have taken you so long to make these. They’re amazing,” Jisung added.

Changbin met their eyes. “I guess I wanted to show you guys how much I appreciated you. And-” he faltered. “And… I wanted to say something. There’s no better time than now, right?” He laughed nervously. There was no humor in it.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for every second these past three years—hell, even longer than that—when I made you two doubt how much I love you. Both as friends, and as something more. You both told me a week ago that we’ve been stuck in a cycle for a long time, too long, and I realized you were right. We’ve all had feelings for each other since college started, maybe even before college, but none of us ever did anything about it. _I_ never did anything about it. I feel so guilty about that because you two are my best friends. I’m happy with whatever the three of us are, friends or boyfriends or whatever. But when you guys talked to me… I guess I just never realized that you were unhappy with the way us three were going about this. I took some time and thought about my feelings and you guys and- just- everything, and I can honestly say that I can’t see my future without you two in it. So…” He looked up expectantly at Felix and Jisung, who were both staring at him intently. He couldn’t read the emotion on their faces, but he pressed onwards. “Will you be my boyfriends?”

Felix and Jisung exchanged a look. Whether it was good or bad, Changbin didn’t know, but then they were both out of their seats and hugging him and he was feeling every single emotion at once.

“Changbin, it’s just as much our fault as it is yours.” Felix sat back down, but reached out so that he was holding one of Changbin’s hands. Jisung did the same.

“I don’t think any of us handled this properly, to be honest,” Jisung continued. “And it wasn’t fair of us to put the blame on you.”

“We’re sorry too.” Felix shared another look with Jisung, and this time they both laughed. Changbin did too, though he wasn’t sure why.

“I can’t believe it took us _this_ long to just sit down and have a proper talk about what’s going on.” Jisung shook his head.

“I guess we’re all still learning, right?” Changbin smiled, echoing his thoughts from earlier. “Also, you two didn’t answer my question.”

Felix gave him a look, as if to ask if he was serious. “Of course, dummy.”

“Who would pass up the opportunity to date the two most amazing guys in the world?” Jisung squeezed Changbin’s hand.

Changbin’s heart was beating fast, yet he felt secure. It was as if his whole world had collapsed and reformed itself in a matter of minutes. He was relieved and overwhelmed and surprised and happy all at the same time. “Look,” he said, moving his chair back to its original position.

He took the drawings from where they were laying and put them together: Jisung on one side, Felix on the other, and Changbin in the middle. “It’s us. Complete.”

“I wonder what you would have done with those if we rejected you,” Jisung joked.

The three of them chuckled at that, laughter blending in with the rest of the crowd, and finally Changbin was at ease. He’d felt as if he were fading away into the night, but Jisung and Felix had kept him grounded. It had always been like that and now it was always going to be like that: the thought of forever having the two people he loved most by his side was more comforting than anything else.

He slipped his hands into theirs just as the fireworks began, great blooms of blue and purple and red, miniature galaxies popping up among the stars and falling just as fast as they’d risen. It was beautiful, a satisfying end to an eventful day. He felt unstoppable, for once in his life, because his fingers were interlaced with those of his two favorite people, his two _boyfriends_. He felt like he belonged, because he was looking up at a sparkling sky that felt like home.

Changbin felt like he was on top of the world, for he knew that in his hands he was holding the sunrise and the sunset and everything in between.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. this fic took me about a month to write, and i have to say that it was quite the experience, especially the few days before the fest ended. i'm happy i could finally post it to the world, i hope it's received well, and i'd like to thank three people. firstly, thank you to the admins of the summer boy fic fest, it takes a lot of work to organize a fic fest and i was really excited to write a fic for this one. secondly, thank you to jeanne, my biggest source of motivation, for yelling at me to work and letting me spam your discord dms at all hours of the night. and lastly, thank you to [swimnayeon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimnayeon), my wonderful beta, for helping me make my writing better and for always believing in me.
> 
> also, since this fic is dedicated to him, happy birthday changbin!! our beautiful, talented, amazing summer boy.


End file.
